Can we talk about the elephant in the room please? Momma guilt! There isn’t one woman I know that doesn’t suffer from a little thing called Momma guilt. From the moment we find out we are expecting we thrown into the world of guilt. Am I eating right for the baby? Am I active enough? Should I be sleeping more? All very reasonable questions but we don’t realize that that is the Momma guilt already creeping in.
Will an epidural hurt the baby? Will I swaddle the baby? Will I breastfeed or bottle feed? Of course these are all common questions all woman toss around when they are expecting a new life. The times may have changed, fathers have become more involved in parenting, new creations of bouncy swings and new aged toys have been created, even the wonderful world of the internet and google has been introduced. All changes in the days of raising kids. However, there are two things that have not changed. The development of babies and the development of a new Momma. The world will continue to evolve, authors will continue to publish new books guiding us through this life of parenthood, and their will always be the new and improved toy, highchair or rock N play that will be the “next” best thing for your child. The way a baby grows, develops and learns will never change. The doubts that we have as new parents and the every day guilt of am I doing a good job will never change.
I’ve talked to a lot of friends. I’ve reached out to my followers plenty of time to talk about Momma guilt. I don’t know one women who has never felt it before. I think it’s instilled in us the second we find out we are going to become a mother. We all want the same end result at the end of this journey. Good, happy, loving kids. If it’s one thing I’ve come to realize in the 5 short years I’ve been a mother is it’s the most selfless job there is. Whether you are a SAHM, work from home, or if you go to work 10 hours a day in the end we all feel bad taking time to do things for ourselves. Some require more than others. I’ll be the first to raise my hand and say that when I get time away from my kids, away from my family I refresh and it sets my patience level back up to where it should be (most of the time!) Now I’m a SAHM, I’m with my kids 24/7 and when I’m not it’s two eight hour days of work and taking care of my family. I feel as if I need that mental break from time to time, heck each week is different that’s for sure! My husband on the other hand doesn’t seem to need that “out” as much as I do. Though he works a 10 hour day and is exhausted when gets home he wants to be with his kids, he wants those two hours before the kids go to bed to be filled with Daddy moments. I can’t say what a working Mom’s guilty moments are because it’s not my place but I do know they are there they are just different. It’s proof that we all have them.
I’ve spent the last five years on the constant balance of what makes me happy as a mother, a person or even a wife. I’ve also come to the conclusion that IT’S NOT GOING TO CHANGE. There is just going to be different struggles, different balances with every stage my children go through. Currently it’s learning how to discipline the way that works for me and my husband. Being on the same page and executing those tactics. We are balancing birthday parties, relationships with other parents so our kids can be social and know the same friends for years to come. It’s the juggle of trying to keep our relationship of husband and wife at a good level where we still feel human at the end of the day. In the future I know that balance will change. When the kids go to school we will have to learn how to juggle sports, homework and more birthday parties. I know the balance is constant however, I also know that I’m working heavily on making sure I make time for myself so I can keep my patience level higher during the day so I can appreciate those smaller moments in hopes that my children’s memories won’t be a blur because we got so caught up in the day to day.
The most common kind of Momma guilt that we all endure and sometimes don’t even realize it is when we are trying to balance work, family and fun. WFF I like to call it. The three most important things in my life (though sometimes I’d like that “w” to stand for wine!) It’s hard work for anyone. We all beat ourselves up and stretch ourselves too thin because it’s what Mom’s do.
You aren’t alone.
I know I put my family and work before I do anything for myself. I’ve just now almost five years later, 2 kids in tow and huge new house to maintain have figured out how to add a little “me” time into my week. Then there are those weeks where I look back and realize I haven’t done a thing for myself. The usual mud mask I do on Saturday night got forgotten because your enjoying a movie with your husband and the last thing you want to do is scare the crap out of him! The 30 min workout I committed to myself 5 times a week turns into 3 days a week because well I’d rather write to you lovelies so blogging sometimes comes first. Then there are the times when I look at the checking account and sigh because there just isn’t enough money to say yes to my girlfriends who are dining out that week or even my sister-in-law who asked us to grab dinner together.
If you are constantly wondering how your decisions are going to affect your children then in my book…..that makes you a good Momma. Pat yourself on the back today. Let go of the guilt. Do something for you this week.
