It’s funny how much you master a year after having your first child. Some things on that list may consist of learning how to redirect to prevent a meltdown, how to get your child to try a new food or even how to tip toe out of their bedroom perfectly avoiding just the right floor boards to keep from waking them after the fifth nightmare that week. Think about it, your world has totally changed, for the good of course. Your Saturday evenings now consist of getting your kiddo to fall asleep before you do or what is that perfect lifetime movie to watch, or should I say fall asleep to. Pat yourself on the back though. Seriously, you know what calms your child when they are sick, tired or hurt. Pat Pat. You know that they only like “this” much peanut butter on their toast. Pat Pat. Without a doubt you know that you can NOT use the purple sippy cup on Thursdays, every other Saturday and the fourth Tuesday of every month. Pat Pat Pat, and a bigger pat on that one! You and your husband would prefer a Friday night in sweat pants, ordering take out and pouring a big glass of wine over being up until 2am and trying to piece together the evening when you wake at noon the next day. So here is how I got smarter after our second child.
Your older, your wiser, your responsible for another little human life. It’s a pretty big deal. It’s something to be proud of. It’s something you deserve a metal for really. Then you decided it was time to bring another little human life into the world. Your world forever changes again. Hey how come no one ever told me that your life is forever changing when you become a parent. This little piece of information would have been great to know since I’m one that doesn’t like change, I like things in order and I prefer to plan things. We all know with a baby, a child, two children or four children there is no planning. When I look back to the beautiful day my son was born, just three years ago this month, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I adapted easier, I juggled faster and my husband and I began to read each others minds by a simple look.
Then one day I woke up. What day is that you ask? It went a little like this: We arrive home from a playdate in midwinter. My oldest was then three years and roughly 8-9 months old. She burst through the door, threw her hat on the floor, yanked her boots off and flung them across the foyer, ripped her jacket off onto the floor and then proceeded to run through the dining room and into the living room. I juggled the diaper bag, my eight month old who weighed the size of a one year old, the keys and my own purse. I stared. I couldn’t move. I looked at the stuff on the floor and all I could remember thinking was OMG what have I done? Having only the one child, I did so much for her, it was just easier to clean up behind her, it was easier to hang up the coat, put the boots on the matt and collect her hat and mittens to place in the bin. It was like a future 16 year just slapped me in the face! If I don’t start teaching her things, how will my 16 year old be behaving? You can probably imagine the conversation I had with my husband later that night right? It’s when I truly realized that it was time to really start teaching our child what was expected of her. That was a hard thing for me to wrap my brain around. For three straight years my child depended on me to keep her fed, sheltered, safe. Now it was time to teach her about the world. Here are a few things I started a tad bit earlier (OK a whole year and a half) with my second child.
Manners. It’s never too early to teach manners. Kids will always need reminding but both of my kids had please and thank you in there vocabulary early on. They learn from example so always remember to use your manners. I’ve come to realize it’s so easy to forget. Even at home, I notice my husband will do something kind for me or even when he passes the butter and I forget to say thank you! Monkey see, monkey do friends!
Stall-tactics. Is it even a word? You know the “just one more hug, I need my purple blanket not my blue one or I need more water! I had no idea how much we were giving in to stall tactics come certain times of the day. Mostly bed time, but whenever it was something my daughter did not want to do. Now that my son is at the age my daughter was at when bed time became a nightmare I see that it’s something every kid goes through. It’s all about the testing my friends. Every time my husband and I gave into whatever it was she wanted at night we had no idea we were making it worse. Come on it was 730-8pm we were spent and we just wanted her to go to sleep. It was easier (there is that saying “it’s just easier!) to give her what she asked for. The first few months it was the basics, I need more water, I need to go pee pee, Puppy needs a kiss too. About a year later and bedtime was HORRIBLE. We now have established a pretty decent bedtime pattern down pat now with the help of a damn therapist. I can write a whole other article about bedtime but the point of this one is don’t give in!! It’ll only get worse. Make a plan and stick to it. The stall-tactics will never completely go away I’ve come to see, they both still test at night and all it takes is to give in once and we start all over again! I know it’s hard to not go in when they say “One more hug!” Don’t do it!! There were evenings my husband and I held each other back. Trust me….it will pay off.
Discipline. Oh the dreaded word. I started time outs with my oldest at 18 months. She sat on that time out stool. She was an easy toddler, when I said no to fingers in outlets, hands in cabinets and food being thrown, she simply listened. Yes she did. My son however, did not. Discipline came earlier for my little buddy. Each child will have different personalities of course it is going to be different! I want to put in the work now so at age 8 my kids know what is expectable behavior and what is not. Even our therapist tells us it’s never too early because they learn what they can get away with SO VERY early on. My husband is still amazed that he continuously gets outsmarted by a five year old. Don’t worry we still love him.
Let us remember, parenting is something we learn about each and every day. It’s not something we will ever get just right. What are some of the things you did differently when your second came a long?
