Dear Madison:
Happy 7th Birthday my sweet girl. I don’t even know where to begin. It brings tears to my eyes for so many reasons when I think back to the evening you were born. Happy tears and sad tears. Let me explain better. I miss your sweet baby face, but I adore the beautiful face you’ve grown into. I miss seeing your little hand grasp just one of my fingers as you drank your bottle. However, I smile when I think of how you still reach for my hand at times, whether it’s at the bus stop or just walking in the neighborhood. Believe it or not I sometimes even miss how much you needed me when you were a baby. You used to need me for comfort when you fell asleep and now I’m trying to teach you how to comfort yourself as you get older.
In all honesty sweet girl the first year was really rough. I knew nothing about post partum depression. Even still seven years later people don’t speak enough about it. They hide from the demon that it is. I hate how it robbed me of some of your sweetness that first year. I look back on it now though and I see how far you and I have come. I have done nothing but make up for that loss of a bond with every ounce of my heart. I fought for you and I fought for me, I got the help I needed to transition more into motherhood and we’ve been rockstars ever since! The good news is you bonded so much with Daddy and I’m forever grateful for that because you have an amazing relationship with him.
I have many sweet memories of your baby years because you were such a good baby. You cried when you were hungry, thirsty, wet or sick and that was it. You listened to Momma and Daddy and you were just so good. I just didn’t know it. That is the hard part about parenthood the first time around, there are just so many unknowns and new experiences, but I’m so very grateful that I got to share that with you.
Fast forward a few years and your shy little toddler years started. I loved that you always wanted me, you cried whenever I left you with someone else and that it was me that you reached for when you were hurting. We watched you learn how to walk, talk and make something of that spit fire of a personality that you now have. My favorite thing to do with you was go for walks. The simplest of things amazed you. Actually seven years later and your still the same way!!! You’d pick up rocks, leaves, sand and you were just content. Now it’s just a lot of questions about where do rocks come from, why are their leaves and how is sand made? Fast forward a few more years and a baby brother later and life challenged us for sure. You adored him the first year he was here. Then he started to walk! Jealousy comes easy to you for some reason. You have very low confidence and I don’t know why. I’m convinced it’s hereditary because I have low confidence myself. I compliment your work, your beautiful hair and eyes and of course when your a sweet little girl, I compliment you on all of the right things. Right now you don’t like when your little brother gets those same glowing compliments, for some reason, you take them as insults, but I have faith that in time you will grasp from within and be more confident in yourself.
Summer is over and you are in first grade. I can hardly believe it. You’ve made a great group of friends, you love girl scouts, you are truly reading and writing and we couldn’t be more proud of you. You say your going to write some day like Momma because you love making stories. Talk about making my heart swell. Just promise me one thing, don’t publish a book before me!
Your a bossy little girl. You sure love to do things your way but your easily convinced to do things other ways if your pushed enough. Your hard on yourself like Momma is, sorry you must get that from me too. When I ask you to bring your plate to the sink you say (well yell….) “I don’t want you to have to remind me, I want to do it on my own!!!!” and then you proceed to stamp around with that very said plate. I don’t know why you get so mad, every one needs reminders sweet girl, that’s my job.
We’ve recently had to explain to you a little bit about death and god. I’m starting to introduce faith a little bit into our family by praying at night and before meals. It saddens me so much to have to talk to you about these kinds of things, your just so little and innocent still and I want to keep you that way forever. However, I can’t. It’s that kind of sadness that fills me on each birthday because I know with every passing year the innocence simply fades away. You are growing up in a world that was a lot different than it was when even me and Daddy were your age. We are trying to teach you the importance of going outside and playing with friends versus sitting on an iPad all day. Or how we didn’t have all of the toys you and your brother get to play with these days. Not only do these toys exist these days but it’s our job to show you how lucky you are that we can afford them.
So here is to another year gone sweet girl, but to another year the wiser. For you and I. For now I will treasure the moments of “I had a bad dream”, the sweet way you still grab for my hand and the “Momma come snuggle with me” kind of moments, because I know they too won’t be around forever.
I love you to the moon and back sweet girl.
Love,
Momma
