What do you do for yourself?

Has anyone ever asked you this question? I never really even thought of the question until I became a mother because before I was one, everything I did was for myself. I never realized how much I DIDN’T do for myself until the “Mommyness” kicked in. When we become parents we all know there are sacrifices. We give up so much, but no one ever told me just how much. Nor will I ever tell anyone else who is about to become a parent because………..well one it’s not my job, and two we all learn on our own. I guess I shouldn’t say that no one warned me how much of ourselves we do give up, because everyone did, I  just really didn’t “get” what they meant until I was there! Honestly I think it’s beautiful. I think it’s the most beautiful part of life. It’s how the world goes round.

I know a lot of friends out their having kids these days, some for the first time, some for the second time and some for the third time…..we are all in different stages but becoming a parent for the first time is just special. I try to take a step back when I know friends are becoming parents for the first time because I don’t want to be that “know it all” person. I don’t know it all. I’ll never know it all. I will say it again, what worked for me might not be what works for another couple, another family. I try to respect that. I can share my stories, I can talk of my experiences, but that’s all I’m doing. Talking. Because when it comes down to it, we all learn on our own.

So back to my question. What do you do for yourself? I ask this because as parents we have to remember to stop every now and again and do something for ourselves. Some people will disagree with me. That’s OK, your aloud, I just think mentally we all need to take a break. Take a breath outside of the family. Step back……and do something for yourself. It doesn’t have to cost money, it doesn’t have to be for a long amount of time, just something. I do small things for myself throughout the day to get myself through the day, then I do something each week to treat myself then every now and again I do something big. Well when I say big, I don’t mean I take a vacation to Aruba, I mean I get my hair cut every 6-8 weeks. I’m still amazed to this day how much a fresh haircut, someone else washing my hair, someone else styling it, someone else doing the work…….I’m still amazed at how wonderful that makes me feel, more so now that I am a mother and I don’t get to do anything to my hair for the most part.

So little things, what do I do each day to get through the day……….well I’m a SAHM, I need A LOT of mental breaks LOL. It’s why my daughter is just about 2 and a half and I’m still pushing naps. I get about two hours a day if I’m lucky. Sometimes an hour and sometimes an hour and a half. I can usually tell before she goes in what kind of nap I’m going to get from her however I use that time to clean up (the bare minimum) eat lunch in peace and either watch a TV show, write to your lovelies or just lay down. I try to give myself most of that nap time for me, though some days it turns into prepping dinner, laundry or paying bills. It refreshes me enough to gain some more patience and start over so to speak. Since becoming pregnant I use a lot of the nap times to lay down myself, I hate it because I don’t want to sleep I want to do things but some days I just have to. I’m going to have to learn other ways soon because once my son is born those nap times (if there are any left by then) will be devoted to him I’m sure. Other moments when I feel like I’m going to lose it, I try making something funny, I try to turn on the “nice voice” and explain to my daughter why I’m angry, I’m not going to lie, I raise my voice. A LOT. However It’s a work in process and I’ve come a long way. I thought by now I’d have the patience of a saint but NOPE. NONE. ZILCH. ZERO. So it’s something I have to work on an everyday basis. Some people have suggested taking a minute to walk outside, take a breath, count to ten, take a shower, put the baby in a safe place and just step away…….well I can’t seem to make this work for me at the age my daughter is at right now, it worked when I had an infant but it’s different now. Besides on the days I have Madison home alone I gave up the shower during her nap time because I didn’t want to give up the 15 min to myself to get clean LOL……..sad that I’d rather do something else and shower at night HAHA!! Sometimes on a random Sunday morning I’ll brew a cup of coffee and pull out my most recent cooking magazine, sip slowly and just read…….I get to watch my husband play with my daughter but still do something for myself. Sundays are the rare days my husband takes off so I know I can get a break here and there. Sometimes this turns into a Friday night after Madison and Daddy go to bed, and I pour a glass of wine. Again, no wine these days and as I’m writing this I’m realizing these are all things I’m going to have to put on hold once Drew comes along because well………I know adjusting from one kid to two is going to be quite the trip!!

I know some of you are rolling your eyes at me because your probably a working mom and you’d give anything to be home with your children everyday. Let me reassure you……I know how lucky I am. I get A LOT of time with my daughter, time I know some moms would kill for but before you judge me, please know being a SAHM is one of the hardest jobs anyone could ever have. Think of all the times you get to go to the bathroom when you want during the day, the times you get to check your email or pick up the phone to call and make an appointment for something as simple as the dentist. How you get to warm up your  lunch and eat it HOT. Or walk across the street and grab a sub. The adults you get to talk to everyday. About adult things. Now though you would trade those in a heartbeat to be home with your child, just don’t assume because you tend to forget those little things when your home with your children all day. Don’t think I don’t know of all the smiles you miss everyday, the milestones, the things they learn everyday, I know you working parents miss some of those things too, it’s just if I have one more person tell me how lucky I am, I may just punch them. Not because I’m mad, but because I DO KNOW JUST how lucky I truly am.

OK So I’ll move on past that subject because I know it can get heated with some people. Luckily for me all the people I have in my life respect my feelings. I have friends that are working moms, they are HARD working moms, they do everything I do on a daily basis PLUS work full-time. I have the UTMOST respect for them, as they have for me. If they didn’t, sorry but I wouldn’t be friends with you, I’ve had friends say “I don’t know how you do it.” That makes me feel good because it acknowledge what I do on a daily basis. I also have SAHM friends that battle what I do on a daily basis too. I even have SAHM friends that don’t feel the way that I do, that’s OK too, not everyone has to “do something for themselves”, but I do, that’s what I have to do live with myself!

Let’s talk about other things we can do for ourselves. As moms we often loose ones “sense of self”. I won’t lie when I say I get into ruts of sweatpants and pony tails. It’s easy. It’s less time-consuming. Lately I’ve been trying to straighten my hair more often to wear it down. I’ll put make up on to go to the grocery store more often to feel better. It really doesn’t take much for me. Painting my toe’s the other day made me feel fantastic!! Buying a new top, or a new pair of shoes. Hey, lighting a candle at night while I read or write to you lovelies helps! There are plenty of things that don’t cost money that we can do for ourselves to feel less of a mommy and more like our individual selves again. I feel it’s important to hold onto oneself once you become a mom, it’s easy to get wrapped up in parenthood, it’s not a bad thing, it’s a fantastic thing, but feeling like “Tammi” every now and again is so important to me. On a weekly basis I’d grab a bottle of nail polish, foot cream, a glass o-wine and a chick flick on lifetime. It zones me out, it’s refreshing and makes me feel “womanly” all over again. Right now I have to skip the wine but not for much longer LOL!!

Larger things I do for myself, well like I said, getting my hair done every 6-8 weeks is a treat for me, It’s not cheap, I like to be blonde these days so it can get pricey. I like pedicures a few times a year, I don’t have to go every month, I love doing my own too, but getting them done a few times a year helps. I go to dinner with girlfriends once a month. I used to go once a week!! YES I’m a very lucky girl, but being a SAHM being out one night a week, not having to do the bed time routine, not having to have the responsibility after a long day with my daughter helped me, no I didn’t go out to all god hours of the night, I still had to get up in the middle of the night if my daughter woke, I still have to get up at 7 with her, no amount of fun or drinking is worth that massive headache in the morning! I enjoyed going out once a week with a different girlfriend because it was an out, I looked forward to it, I did my hair, put on decent cloths and got to have adult interaction. I still loved being home and on my couch at 9pm 🙂 I don’t do that anymore, not since I’ve been pregnant, it’s not as fun LOL, I’m tired come 7pm and well since we’ve moved money is tighter these days. However I still enjoy it once a month with either my Momma friends, my husband, another couple or my best gal pal who has no kiddo’s.  Hmmmm what else………I cook a lot and bake a lot for myself. Besides my everyday cooking to feed my family, once a month my husband and I used to have a “Date night” in. We would send Madison off to either my moms house or his mom’s house for the night(or just plan it after we put in her in bed)  and I’d plan a real nice dinner which usually included an appetizer, main course and a desert, then we’d rent a movie and just be together. It was a cheap night and making that “special” dish was so fun to me, I love drinking wine while I cook………….I miss that, we did that once a month for a long time, until the big move and the holidays came!! We will get back to it again when the time is right! My husband and I sometimes drive to Barnes and Nobles on a random Sunday morning, buy a new book, read for a bit, catch up on our week and have a muffin together. Yes we are VERY LUCKY that we have my mom and sister right here to do those things unexpectedly however you could plan them out so you could get a sitter and do it. We vowed to do this weekly but it’s more like monthly at this point.

How about working out?? That’s something I don’t do these days but I used to……….that’s a great stress reliever for any parent out there. It’s “our” time and it’s beneficial to our health!! There is so many things we can do, what about hobbies, my hobbies are reading, writing and scrapbooking, but what if  you enjoyed painting, gardening or playing an instrument, those are all great things to do for yourself. So let me ask you…….what do you do for yourself as a Momma???