During my pregnancy with my first I never thought about discipline. I was too busy dreaming of sweet smiles and picking out pink and yellow butterflies for my daughters nursery. Honestly, I never even thought about the not so fun parts about parenthood. I wait all my life to become a mother how could I not love and embrace every part of it, including discipline. Before I knew it I blinked and my daughter was 18 months old. The tantrums had officially begun months before that and I was at the end of my rope wondering what to do with a screaming toddler when I said no to something or she didn’t get her way. Insert the time-out bench I decided to make. She was always pretty good about it. Meaning she would sit on the bench and not get up from it until I told her she could. I thought that was pretty amazing.
Then my son came along. Let me just say that he put a whole spin on parenthood for my husband and I. I knew the second he started walking there was no way in a million years he would ever sit on a time out bench. However, I had a little more time. Or so I thought. I never had to put my daughter in time out for biting, hitting or throwing things. I was able to tell her we didn’t do those things in our family and she simply didn’t do them. I know easy right? No, she just needed a younger sibling to start doing those things with. Enter new sibling and lets just say life changed for not only my husband and I but for her too. The first few weeks of time outs with my son was a joke. He simply wouldn’t sit. I couldn’t stand there and “force” him to sit on a bench, though I may have tried a few times. What’s a parent to do when we don’t tolerate any kind of physical force in our family?
Then the Super Nanny came into my life. Yes it’s an older show when a Nanny goes around helping families with their out of control children. When I say out of control I mean I watched 8 episodes one night that scarred me! I even made my husband watch one of a 9 year old that hit his mother, bullied his siblings and spoke to both parents in a way that had my eyes then fell out of my head. The number one thing that she does teach every family she works with is the time- out method. The correct one. The one that really works!
Who knew this whole time I was doing it wrong. I can see how it happened with my daughter but here I am fast forward 4 years and my daughter still has time outs. I pleaded with my husband to get on board with me and a few new things I wanted to try that seemed to work for this Super Nanny. I can proudly say after only 2 weeks of using this method my son now sits in time out and only tries to get up once compared to the 15 it took when we first started. My daughter is hitting less and using her words more.
Rule #1. The child will sit for one minute for each year of his life. My daughter currently does 5 and my son currently does 2. Find a designation, step, stool or safe place for where your time-out will always be.
Rule 2. Establish your time-out reasons with your other half. For example, we give timeouts for any kind of physical behavior, not listening, when there is acting out in public, or for my daughter her whining is a problem so if she doesn’t tell us with her words what is wrong she is headed for timeout. Being physical and not listening was the top 2 reasons on Super Nanny.
Rule #3. Give a warning at their level. When you give them the warning make sure they have eye contact with you. Don’t shout the warning while they are bouncing around or running in the other direction. Stop them, make them look at you and say “Drew this is your last warning, if you do not sit down and eat your dinner (we were in a restaurant) then your going to time-out. I know he was testing me because we were in public.
Rule #4. STICK TO RULE #3. Trust me, don’t keep threatening the time-out. Do it. I was so guilty of this one. If you don’t follow through they don’t understand it.
Rule#5. Place them on the designated time-out spot, get down on to their level, make sure they are looking at you (this part is important, I had no idea that children want to be spoken to at their level) Tell them why they are in time-out, that whatever behavior was not acceptable and how long they will sit in timeout. For example, “Madison you are sitting in timeout for hitting your brother, hitting is not OK, we use our words, you will sit here for 5 minutes.
Rule #6. Be firm. Say it in a firm voice, you don’t have to yell it but it needs to be in a different tone than you use when you are being “fun” Momma!
Rule #7. Set the timer and be prepared to start running and “not talking”. You will most likely have to place your child back onto the time-out spot quite a few times. Each time you do you MUST reset the clock. This is usually the deal breaker for any parent, it was for me. I don’t have 4 hours to spare to keep this up, but I promise, it’ll be the best spent time you can give your child. Each time it will get less and less. Super Nanny’s top time-out was four and a half hours. Luckily ours so far has only taken 30 minutes tops.
Rule #8. Once your child sits the whole time in one sitting you go over to your child tell them why they were in time-out, that’s it’s not OK and you need an “I’m Sorry.” Then you say “OK hugs and kisses for Momma.” If your child was physical to another child the I’m Sorry must be extended to them as well.
It can be draining and it can leave you wanting a glass of wine at 11am but I promise you if you give it a try and follow all of the rules you’ll see an improvement. I truly believe that children must know that we are the boss and there are rules we must follow in life.
