Loving Two

When I first found out we were expecting I immediately was consumed with guilt. YES GUILT…..the guilt of having to share my love with another child. I know it comes naturally, I know that a mother’s love is endless and there is always room to share, I know all of this, but I still felt this ache in my heart every time I spend time with my Madison. I still glance at her from time to time and wonder if I’ll ever miss this time, if I’ll ever miss the time alone with her. People say I won’t, people say that I’ll still make alone time with Madison and life will just happen. I want to believe it, I do believe it. It’s just more of the emotions I think any mother of one, expecting another goes through. I know this because I know plenty of people that are either pregnant and feeling the same way, or parents of more than one child already that have told me all of this.

A few week ago a blogger friend of mine read this poem and thought of me, enough to send it to me, how sweet is she!!?? I started crying before I even started reading it. I then read it again later that same night to my husband and cried all over again. So until the spring when this little one is due to enter this world, for the next six months, I’m just going to enjoy every second I can with my daughter. I thank both of my children for giving me the gift of motherhood.

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then the child is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying this new child, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how this new baby adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of this baby’s new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

Author Unknown x

I hope this happens for me….I know their will be loads of new things for me and my family. There will always be NEW firsts for Madison, only now she gets to share them with a sibling. I have a sister. Though we didn’t get along growing up, we are closer than ever now. She adores my child as her own. I trust her with my life, if I didn’t she wouldn’t have gained the relationship that she has with my daughter. I’m so thankful for that. I want my daughter to be thankful for that. Here she is with her TT, who she adores.

I want to see the benefits of having two kids,  see what it’s like to share that love. I know I will in time. In my own time.