I can’t tell you how many times a day I have to remind myself that my four and a half a year old is just that. A four and a half year old. It doesn’t stop me from wishing they did. If your a parent you know just how tough the role is. We play teacher, nurses aid, cook, maid, doctor, taxi driver, boo boo healer, hairdresser, entertainer amongst a gazillion other things on a daily basis. I know I’m not alone in feeling like it would be a lot easier if our wonderful precious little people really “got” what we did for them. If they could just simply understand that we do a lot for them and that maybe just maybe every once in a blue moon we deserve to sit down and drink a cup of coffee. Hot. Or that we have earned the right to maybe just maybe pee with the door closed. If our children only understood.
I know….if life were only that easy. I’ve often said in the past that I was raised to respect my elders and be good to those who are good to me. However I feel like I never really truly appreciated my parents until the day I found out my fathers life was coming to an end. That we had no more than a year with him and that’s something no one should have to experience never mind as young as I did. After that my parents and I formed a relationship that was….just different. It was great. Wonderful. Then nine years later I became a parent. Then I really got exactly what my mother did for me.
I know these little people that we are raising are sweet and innocent. I feel it’s my job to shape those sweet and innocent minds and lead them in the direction that will make them wonderful, caring and respectful big people. On a day where your running errands, have two play dates planned, grocery shopping to do, and don’t forget that birthday present you need for the this weekends tenth birthday party you are attending this month, truth be told, your little ones are not going to know. They are not going to truly understand that you had interrupted sleep the night before due to five wake ups and that is the very reason why you forgot your wallet in the car and it is SUCH a pain in the rear to have to run to the car with two kids as fast as you can before the employee finishes ringing your items up. All of that lack of sleep is why you forgot that it was pajama day at school and they are upset with you because they are the only kid in the class without pajamas on. They will never understand that you have to skip a playdate they were looking forward to because you were so scatter brained and overbooked. They just simply won’t ever understand those things.
Just like on a day when your kids are begging for their forth breakfast of the day, when you are beyond starved but eating is the last thing on your list because you have laundry to change over, a dish washer to empty and a serious cup of HOT coffee to drink because you can only get these said things accomplished when your devil of a 21 month old is belted into his highchair that you really just want to scream, “but you’ve eaten three times today and Momma hasn’t even had a sip of that HOT coffee yet!” Ok I won’t lie, I’ve said that before even though I know they won’t ever understand it.
Wouldn’t we have less melt downs and way more patience if our children understood just how many boo boo’s we’ve kissed that day, that your a walking zombie because for the 3rd night in a row you’ve had no more than 3 consecutive hours of sleep at a time, and how you’d much rather zone out to the latest episode of Nashville or Chicago Fire but instead your on Pinterest searching for the next “best” craft activity you are going to put together tomorrow that will keep them busy for all of ten minutes.
Wouldn’t life be grand if kids understood that Daddy doesn’t want to come home from working an 8 hour day outside in the frigid temps, spend two hours in a car and then run outside to snow blow 2 feet of snow. Or that Mommy doesn’t really want to spend her one hour of kiddo free time during the day that they nap to vacuum, fold cloths and start dinner. Imagine the quiet and calm in the household if kids understood that concept!
One of the bigger trials we are having right now that I know a four and a half year old will never understand is gratitude. My children only go to daycare two days a week. I work roughly 5-10 hours a week so on those two days I work, I have a weekly meeting with my staff and I’m able to cook and clean for my family. Of course I know how lucky I am to have this schedule. There is nothing more frustrating to me than hearing my daughter say how much she hates school. I kindly explain to her that sometimes we have to do things we don’t like. If you could have only heard the conversation we had on the way to school this morning because she wouldn’t get ready and was giving me her usual stall tactics so I took away her IPad that she loves using while driving in the car. I said why don’t we talk instead. She says “about what?” so I started by showing her the $4 I had in my pocket that was for her and her little brothers hot lunch that day. She asked how we got that and I proceeded with that’s why Mommy and Daddy work honey, this, and I held up the money again. This is what pays for all of the nice things we have. She asked if it paid for her new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys and I said “YES!” I then said for probably the bazillinth time in her life “You have no idea how lucky you are honey, all those kids in your class have to go everyday because their parents have to work. Mommy doesn’t “have” to work so you get to stay home with me.” I thought that would seal the deal. Then I got a “I still don’t like school.” So instead I have simply accepted that it’s always going to take 5 trips to get them in the car, 2 meltdowns, 3 timeouts and me forgetting at least one thing on those two school days they have.
So I sit here and ask myself why I insist on trying to explain to a child that life isn’t always fair, we don’t get handed money, there are times when we have to do things we don’t want to do and then I realize…….. I do it because it makes me feel better. She may not understand a word I’m saying, heck sometimes I don’t even understand a word I’m saying, but in the end can we ever really start to teach our children gratitude too early? Are the things I’m saying to her really all that bad? I’m not degrading her, I’m not yelling at her (most of the time), I’m not being mean, I’m simply trying to teach her something that some adults may not even know.
It’s not uncommon for these little people to not understand how much of our day is devoted to them. That everything we do, the air that we breath and the way our brain operates is for them. The endless mounds of laundry that never seems to end, the dirty floors we have (because really….why bother), and the endless tears we shed are all for them. Some day they will get it and that’s all that matters. We continue to pull up our big girl undies and trudge on through the exhausting times and we make the best of them by enjoying the little moments.
Here are some other Mommahood Moments:
Have you just ever needed a good cry?
