The other day I watched both of my children playing nicely in the sandbox. The weather here in New England is finally starting to get a bit warmer throughout the day so being outside is a huge refresher for all of us. I watched my son scoop the sand into his bulldozer, drive it and then dump it. I smiled. I watched my daughter make “ice cream” out of pine needles, acorns and dirt. I smiled. I couldn’t hear them from where I was sitting but I could see them talking to each other. I smiled. I saw the innocence in their faces as they both pretended and communicated to one another. They have been fighting over almost everything these days so I just looked up into the sunshine, closed my eyes, felt the sun on my tired face and smiled. These moments are the moments. The moments when every tantrum, pull my hair out, get on my knees and scrub yogurt for the 3rd time kind of moments that make it all worth it. Then all of a sudden I realized……. I wasn’t worrying.
I wasn’t worrying about what I’m doing wrong, what we were going to have for dinner, or that the leaves have still not been raked from last Fall. I was simply enjoying my children. I then and there made a promise to myself that watching my kids play was going to be a new stress reliever for me. I then made the 5 minute Challenge.
Later that week I heard screaming from the front yard while I was preparing dinner and my husband was out raking leaves. We live on a dirt road and a corner lot. I have a very active almost 3 year old that doesn’t understand why he can not go into the road with his beep beep, go and visit our neighbor without telling someone or why it’s important to look both ways before chasing the ball, so when I hear a scream I usually run. Through the front door I saw my kids fighting over who was going to drive the motorized child sized tractor we have (aka beep-beep). I started to open the door but stopped when I realized that no one was injured. I watched. I know how important it is to let them work out their differences without trying to interfere all the time. They shoved each other a little bit, my daughter screamed in his face, and he screamed back. Then they both laughed, took their volume down to a normal level, my son got up, let my daughter have the drivers seat and off them went. They waved and I waved back.
I wasn’t worried about what should I do, should I get involved, should I give a time-out for hitting, is dinner burning, where is my husband? Not one worry. I was witnessing the innocence of siblings learning from each other. I wasn’t worrying.
After a morning full of time-outs, arguments and the constant pulling on my shirt as I tried to answer work emails I finally threw my hands up and said “let’s go, we are off to the library!” Another few more arguments of “can I bring this in the car with me” and the tattle tailing of “Momma, Drew is looking at me!” Yes folks, Drew was looking at her can you believe it? We were finally in the car. We played with trains and picked out books. My daughter then asked if she could go and play with the lego’s. I said sure honey it’s right over there I can see you from here. Off she went. Two seconds later I got up to rent our library books with the librarian and Madison came running over to me “Momma whatcha doing?” I said “Oh I’m just getting our books taken care of so we can take them home.” I knew why she was asking. I had walked around the corner (I was still 25 feet from her) and she couldn’t see me anymore. She is petrified of loosing me in public or that I won’t come pick her up at school one day. Something we’ve been working on her with for awhile. I brought my purse and coat over the lego section and sat down. I watched my son play Daniel Tiger on the tablet from afar (that one isn’t afraid to stray!) and I watched my daughter. I watched her line up all of the little lego people, I watched her sort through the colored bins looking for just the right size or color lego, I saw her face light up when she found the one she was searching for, and then I watched her whisper and play with the lego men.
I wasn’t worrying if there is something wrong with her because she has so many fears, I wasn’t thinking about how it feels to have to physically peel her off of me when I drop her off at school and promise her I will be back to see her, turn and walk away with tears in my eyes. I wasn’t worrying that maybe just maybe this is all my fault and in some strange way my own fears are rubbing off on her. I was simply watching. Watching her beautiful blonde hair bob around and watching her tiny little body switch positions to play in just the right angle with her toys. I wasn’t worrying.
The the innocence of children should be enough to stop the whole world from worrying. It won’t be there forever. I walk by teenagers and say to myself “someday that will be Drew and Maddie.” Let the innocence last as long as possible and just watch them play and watch your worry disappear.
