Dear Mom: Thank you for always showing up.

Dear Mom:

I know my twenties were a whirlwind because of the losses that I suffered. I always thought that I was “forced” to grow up after Dan passed away. Fast forward 15 years and I’ve realized that dealing with that kind of loss at 20 was just as heartbreaking for you as it was for me. Then two years later to loose Dad, it was a pain that is just indescribable unless you’ve suffered through it the way we have. I still look back on those years and I feel my heart physically ache. Now that I’m married to the love of my life I can only imagine the loss  that you must feel everyday. Now that I’m a mother I feel as if I can appreciate you in a way I couldn’t years ago. So thank you. Thank you for always showing up.

When I first became a mother I had no idea how hard it would be. I jumped for joy and truly enjoyed every day of my pregnancy and I got to share that with you. You helped me pick out things for the nursery and every time I talked about how wonderful it was going to be, how this was what I had been waiting for my whole entire life, that finally my life would feel complete you didn’t say a word. You allowed me to enjoy those moments knowing just what I had ahead of me. The sleepless nights that lay ahead, the worry that would soon crowd my brain and you knew the level of responsibility I was about to endure but you still kept your comments to yourself and was always there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. So Mom, thank you for always showing up.

Now I’m well over five years into this crazy thing I like to call life. Motherhood. Parenthood. On the days where I feel like I’m loosing my mind from missed appointments to crazy kids you show up. On the nights where my husband works so we can have all of the beautiful things in our life you show up. I embrace the moments that we get to laugh until our insides hurt, the nights I’m in tears asking advice or the many hours we spend planning special dinners. Mom, thank you for always showing up.

I know my children bring a smile to your face many times a day and will always give you endless hugs. Now I get to enjoy parenthood with you. I can’t give you your husband back. I can’t say that the moments that Dad is missing doesn’t hurts my heart on a daily basis. I can’t guarantee that we aren’t going to face more challenging times but what I can give you is your best friend back. I can show up. I promise to show up.

Thank you for your sleepless nights and for making sure I was loved and cared for, not to mention the loads of laundry you did, the amount of throw up I know you cleaned up and the truckloads of boogers you wiped. You always showed up.

Thank you for never giving up on me even during the teenage years of young love and wrong decisions. The many times you had to ground me, for pushing me to earn my first car and college degree. You always showed up.

Thank you for always knowing what was best for me even if it hurt you to the core. The times you must have doubted yourself hoping I’d learn from mistake after mistake, for believing in me when I didn’t have it to believe in myself, and for pushing me to always want to be a better daughter, person and Mother. You always show up.

Thank you for showing me the beauty that motherhood can be even through the yogurt smeared floors, screaming time-outs and endless nights of rocking my babies to sleep. You always show up.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for never giving up on me and for always showing up.