Dear Madison, Part II

Dear Madison,

It’s been over a month since I’ve last written you. You are  bigger, you have learnt so much, you still amaze me every single day.  I still stare at you from a distance, across a room or in my rear view mirror while driving, I still ask myself “Am I doing this motherhood thing OK?” “Am I being the best mother I can possibly be?” I guess the sooner I realize that I’m going to ask myself this question each and every day the sooner I MAY just stop beating myself up because there is no such thing as “The Perfect Mother”

Your curiosity has peeked at an all time high, I can’t even keep up with you these days. Your vocabulary has doubled since the last time I wrote. You are still so frustrated, which in turn frustrates me and daddy. To no end. Your testing your limits more than I ever thought a child could. We just spend Labor Day weekend flopping down on the couch together after we put you to bed because you exhausted us, in a good way, but a confusing way. When daddy is home on the weekends you tend to really really “want him” it doesn’t hurt my feelings, I get so much time with you, I want you to have that time with your father, he needs to learn all of the parental things I learn throughout the week.

The last time I wrote summer was in full swing and we had already enjoyed a family vacation at the camp. Now, we are welcoming fall into our lives and we are getting ready to close up the camp. With such mixed emotions. Mommy grew up at this camp, Nana grew up at this camp, your Nana and Grampy met at this camp. However it costs money and since mommy would rather be home with you everyday it makes it tough sometimes. We want to buy you a beautiful home so you can run and grow more. We want you to have more space to play and become all that you are supposed to become, we want to give you a little brother or sister some day, all these things weighed on us as we were making the decision on whether or not to come back the following summer. Bottom line, we are giving it another summer to see if it’s something that will work for us and our family. So we will close down next month and wait and see what next summer brings us.

You still don’t enjoy very many toys, though you still seem to get yourself into mischief! Your favorite things to do: Well you love putting things (anything) into bigger things (barrels, draws etc) We never know what we are throwing out on a daily basis and we never know where pup pup maybe hiding! You love playing at Nana’s camp, you play “Peekie, Peekie” with TT all the time. You are starting to really play with other kids, this makes mommy so gosh darn proud. I know you enjoy your nights with Grammy singing your favorite song “Twinkle Twinkle little Maddie.” 🙂 You had lots of daddy time this summer. You went to the beach alone with him one night. You went to the park with daddy and yes their were a few McDonald’s trips against mommy’s wishes. It’s ok. It’s Daddy time. You loved the beach this summer, it was your favorite thing to do. You would either sit at the shore and dig in the mud or you would go out really deep with Daddy.

What are some of the things you did with mommy this summer? Well we went to Charmingfare Farm, we went raspberry picking, remember, mommy got stung by a bee (or two) and said some really silly, bad, really bad words I told you to never ever say. We had friends up to the camp to play. We went and had ice cream, just because we could!

We went to Davis Farm as a family while we were on vacation too! You loved this place, so much interaction with the animals and well you really loved the Fred Flintstone cars! We also went and supported Grammy Memere at the Relay for Life since she finished her radiation treatments and is on the road to recovery. Mommy & Daddy also went away for a night to a family wedding and you stayed with Nana and TT, you were such a good girl, so good, that I often wonder just how smart you are because your always good for everyone else 😉

So now that I’ve updated you on what you’ve been doing as you slowly make your way to year number two (OMG!!) let me tell you how Momma has been doing since this is all about our journey together. Some people would call it Type A personality, however I just like to call it a Momma with a really big heart kind of personality because I want to make everyone happy, you daddy, family, friends, that sometimes I often forget to make “ME” happy. I guess it’s what momma’s do. I always feel the need to be “The Perfect Mommy” because, well, I want to raise a beautiful, smart, talented young lady and it’s the toughest job any person can ever have. I do spend a lot of my days wondering if what or how I’m doing things is right, but then I spend the other half of those days saying that as long as your happy, growing, and learning everyday then my job is done. Here are my current worry’s boo:

1. Are you eating ok? You are a very picky eater. You don’t like meat, you drink A LOT of milk, you could live on fruit but you eat the same ten things on a weekly basis. Daddy gives you A LOT of candy, I hate it, but is keeping it from you, denying you some thing that every kid should have. Don’t worry we worked it out, you can have candy but on special occasions and to a minimum. Shhhhh Daddy has a real bad sweet tooth and it’s little addiction!

2. What are the things that I should say no to? When you hit me in a rage because I didn’t give you what you wanted? What did you want? Oh you wanted to play in the fridge, or go through mommy’s draws.

3. Should I do more activities with you? It’s hard to take out crayons, pencils and paper when you only sit for 5 minutes.

4. Should I potty train you now or wait longer? When is the “right” time to potty train….you can’t even say pee pee or poo poo, ok you did say pee pee the other day but it’s not like you EVER have a dry diaper.

Now that you are getting older I do get to do more things with you, you are showing an awful lot of signs of not really being a girly girl, but time will tell and in the mean time, I’m still going to continue to push the dresses and dance lessons. 🙂 You are registered to start Dance lessons this coming weekend and we are also checking out a soccer team that you and Mommy can take part in together!

Another thing that I’ve tried to get you more involved in is cooking with me in the kitchen! Yay! So far you’ve made a pizza and you’ve made some muffins! You go girl! You love helping mommy, I’ve come to realize that you just want to be part of things, part of decisions, part of the whole process we call life. When we go to the market, you help me pick the green beans and fruits. When we cook, I let you put in all the ingredients I’ve measured, when you get dressed, I let you do as much as you can, when it’s snack time I let you choose what you’d like for a snack. As the author of the Happiest Toddler on the Block said, you just want to have some decisions in this life, which you do.

So when mommy tries so hard to be “The Perfect Mother”, it’s only because I love you, if I seem to “try” too hard sometimes, it’s only because I want the very best for you. If I loose my patience sometimes, it’s only because I love you and I may not understand why you don’t understand certain things.

Mommy already knows that there is no such thing as “The Perfect Mother” but I’m never going to stop trying to be a better Mommy for you baby girl. When I feel as if the day just can’t get better, I look at you. When I feel like such a failure, I look at you. When I feel like my bad actions will influence you, I look at you. When I want to throw my hands up in the air and give up, I look at you my love.

All my love,

Mommy