Dear Madison:
This is my story about how one gift put me at ease. One simple homemade gift. I always doubt the amount of time I actually play with you. Is it too much, is it not enough, are you having fun? Are you always going to think of me as the Momma who fed, bathed, played with you and loved you to no end, or are you going to think back some day and see a Momma who was too busy doing everything else to stay afloat? Then you came home from school a few weeks ago and you made Momma cry. It was like a small glitter of happiness on a gloomy day in my mind. With the amount of hours Daddy has been working, Momma’s hours being more than usual, you and your brother fighting and testing to no end, it was the sunshine I needed to see during a storm. It was Mother’s Day actually. I opened my little handmade gift you made with your teachers and friends at school. I slowly unwrapped a laminated bookmark that said MOM on it. I smiled because I remember making my mother one almost every year growing up. I felt the tears sting at my eyes because I long to get these kinds of gifts and I know without a doubt that I will proudly use it with the current book I’m reading. Next I unwrapped a handmade photo frame made of popsicle sticks. There stood your photo. You were proudly holding a frame that said “I love you because……….” You had to fill in the sentence. I looked closely, I then saw your cute little letters that you have been working so hard on to master, spell out “because you play with me.” It was what I needed to see, a tear slid down my cheek as I unwrapped the last gift. It was a handmade journal about me. Again a similar question of “I love my Mommy because………….” your answer “because she plays with me.”
You have no idea how much those simple questions made my day. It cleared up any doubt I have ever had about how much time I spend with you sweet girl. I know that I’m pretty good at juggling everything. Time with both of you, time with Daddy, things I do around the house, and working part-time but sometime life happens and times get busy. Sicknesses develop, holidays pass and sporting events come and go. My doubts of how I spend my time with you are no longer lingering around in my head.
I’ll probably need reassurance again at some point, or I’ll have other doubts clouding my mind but one thing is for sure, those homemade gifts are always going to be the reassurances that we need as parents. Don’t stop giving them sweet girl. My mother and other mothers have often told me that motherhood is a very selfless job but the rewards will come in time. Slowly over the years you’ve given me the sweetest rewards. Your first smile, the first time I heard you giggle. when you reached out to me as you learned how to walk, the first time I heard you say “Momma”. Those are just some of the ones I remember as you grew. Lately, it’s about watching you learn. Seeing you master writing and now even learning to read. It’s Mother’s Day like this year that makes me grateful for those small rewards. I will take each and every one of the sweet rewards you give me, pocket them, cherish them, and remember them forever.
