Dear Madison,
My sweet girl. All I want for you is happiness.
Where has the time gone. I don’t know why but your Momma is quite sensitive on you turning five. I really don’t know why. You have turned into such an amazing little girl. See there I go again, your a little girl. One thing Momma has been trying to work on is not wishing our days away. When certain tantrums, arguments or mishaps happen throughout the day I find myself glancing at the clock, hoping it’s almost rest or bed time. I do NOT want to continue to do that. I am trying to live for the now and just enjoy each moment with you and your brother. I find that when I connect with you, when I take the time away from folding the laundry or emptying the dishwasher and really just work on “being there” I notice such a huge difference in your attitude. I don’t get arguments I get smiles. When I come to look at your drawings and compliment you on how good they look, I get that radiant smile that fills my heart. I’m learning when I randomly stop putting groceries away and kneel down on the floor and start playing whatever imaginary game your playing, that’s all you want. Me. To be present with you.
My sweet girl. All I want for you is to be open to change and to trust me.
Momma has changed in so many ways. All for the better of course. We must embrace change together. We must learn to trust one another. For the first two and a half years it was just you and me baby girl. You embraced Momma’s ways and you just followed. You took my guidance and rode with it. When I told you to not stick your finger in the electrical outlet, you listened and never did it again. You trusted me. That was just what kind of personality you had. As the years have passed the trust sometimes is not there. Though I know this is a part of the growing up process it’s so frustrating at times. I miss when you used to follow me around and just “trust me.” Little by little it’s getting better. Last week we went into a public bathroom that automatically flushes on its own, you’ve been afraid of them for months now. This time you really had to go though, you looked at me with those big blue eyes and asked me to hold onto you. You grabbed my hand and asked me to never let go. I promised you I wouldn’t (god baby girl I will NEVER let go) I grabbed the toilet paper while holding on to you tightly, hoping to god my body weight was being recognized by this automatic toilet that has my sweet girl was so scared of. You finished and just as I hoisted you off, the toilet flush goes off. You screamed, I hugged you and screamed back, “you did it! Look! You were on it, it went off, your still here with me, I didn’t let go!” You now trust me because you talked about how you finally did it for days! Change has always been hard for me, so stick with me kid and we’ll get through it together.
My sweet girl. All I want for you is confidence.
This is so important to me since I have lacked it most of my life. It’s something I’m working. I remind you daily when you do something wonderful and I call you beautiful at least twice a day. I promise I will teach you how to work hard for things, how when you gain those very things, the end result will well be worth it. Positive parenting as Daddy and I like to call it. I don’t know why it’s so hard to remember that all you want or need is praise. Attention. Just Momma and Daddy. However it is hard to remember, there are dishes to wash, cloths to fold, dinner to cook, lessons to learn, garbage to empty, tantrums to tame and the list goes on. I promise you from the bottom of my heart that praise, that “great job” remembering to bring your plate to the sink, that kiss on the top of the head when I walk by will happen more. Since Momma started her #HandsFreeLife journey I can already see a difference in the connection between you and I. After spending one day alone just you and I, you cuddled more, you talked with me more and you shared more than you ever have. All I want is for you to grow up and believe in yourself. Know that if you try hard enough, you can and you will accomplish what you want.
My sweet girl. All I want for you is to marry a man like your father.
I came across this feeling while driving to your five year check up. I looked in the rear view mirror excited that we were about to embark on a day together. Just you and I. I felt happiness within my heart in that moment. When I feel that, I’m immediatly thankful for who is in my life. I of course think of your father all of the time. I’ve never experienced such a love like I have with your Daddy. I never really knew what a marriage was until we had you. Sure we were married, but as time goes on, life changes and you must adapt to it. You must change your ways as things happen in your life. You must learn to communicate differently because the hustle and bustle of raising a family will get in the way. You must always make time for one another even when their are games to get to and school functions to attend. As I looked at you in the rear view mirror I realized I hope to go some day you find and marry someone just like your father. Someone who will believe in you and hold your hand in the good and the sad. Someone who will respect you as a person, treat you like the queen that you are and someone who will always support you. All I want for you is to marry a man that will give you what your father has given me. Love, respect, support and a loving hand to hold.
