Dear Madison and Dear Drew was something I started back when I began blogging so my sweet children could see their childhood through my eyes. Since traveling this Summer with no kids a few times my husband and I have actually had some time to talk, just be together and reconnect. I believe he deserves a letter written to him. He’s the half that makes me whole, my strength to my weakness and the father to my precious children.
Dear Husband: I promise….I am happy. There are so many times when the day will pass and you will only get to see the worst of me. The OMG I’m so tired and I’ve been listening to whiny children all day, the I haven’t showered in lord knows when, the please please please let me use the bathroom alone part of me. I never realized it until recently. You will come home shocked that I’m in a bad mood come 5pm because when we spoke at 3pm I was doing just fine. I believe my cut off has officially been labeled to 4pm. That clock ticks 4pm and I swear I turn from the loving sweet kind of Momma that has all the patience in the world to bend down to my two year olds height for the umpteenth time to understand what he is trying to tell me to the clenched mouthed OMG don’t even ask me another absurd question or fight over another stupid toy again Momma.
So Dear Husband: I promise….I am happy.
Their have been so many times where I wish my you could just be that nosey fly on the wall when I try to sip my hot coffee for the eighth time in 5 minutes but getting our can’t sit still two year old situated for breakfast is way more important. I wish you could peak in the window and see me singing and dancing to a song I’ve made up just to make our kids giggle. It’s my hearts biggest desire for you to see the better moments of our day instead of the hot chaos it can turn into between the hours of 5 and 7pm. Yes we have weekends, however the disciplinary Momma has expired and I tend to be snappy and moody. I tend to take for granted those very weekends that we are together as a family because I’m burnt from trying to find just 10 minutes to myself, scraping stuff off the floor come 8pm and folding the 12th load of laundry.
So Dear Husband: I promise….I am happy. I’m sorry for that and going forward I will do my best to change it. After being away with you twice in two months without any responsibility what so ever and our sweet precious ones I’ve realized just how important it is to maintain just “us.” I realized that come the end of a long day at work or just a long week of playdates, having friends over and appointments that maybe you need some Momma time too. The Hands Free Life is teaching me to enjoy the moments as they come and not think too far ahead of the moments that are “supposed to come.” Enjoy the now and instead of the later I’d like to call it. I’m always so busy worrying about tomorrow and making sure I have everything on my check list checked off that I’m missing such precious moments not just with our children but with you.
So Dear Husband: I promise….I am happy.
Please know that one of the things that will always pull at my heart and make me tear up is watching you grow with our sweet babies. The way Madison looks at you when you are doing something, I hope you see how much she admires you and wishes to be like you some day. Or the way that Drew lights up and says “Hi Dadda.” when you walk in from work. Two simple words I hear every day and no matter what kind of mood I’m in, no matter how badly I want to pass them off and run to the bathroom to pee alone, I still pause and enjoy that “Hi Dadda!” We signed up to do this together and though we never anticipated that it could be this difficult, I also want you to know that I never thought of how wonderful it would be for our relationship. I know that raising a family can try a marriage in a way that is unimaginable at times, however realizing how much it can truly bring out how beautiful a marriage can be is life changing. I wouldn’t want to go through that life changing moment with anyone but you by my side.
So Dear Husband: I promise….I am happy. I was never a believer of opposites attract. Nah! Impossible I once I said. However I truly believe they do now. I think one of the hardest parts about raising children together is going to be something I call “Having a great day together.” I remember saying that to you one day when the kids and I had a great day together. They were in a good mood, they slept well, we had a playdate and some alone time, I couldn’t wait to tell you all about, I thought, YES! He gets to come home and I’ll be in a good mood today. Then you walked through the door and I could see the strain on your face. The usual “Hi Dadda!” from both kids just didn’t pull through for you this particular day. All I could think to myself was dammit!!! Why can’t we all just have a happy day together!! I scooped the kids up and brought them outside to give you a few minutes to shower, change and unwind. I just kept telling the kids that you had a hard day and needed some time to rest up. I mumbled under my breath, that it figures you were moody on a day that we were feeling so happy and blessed. Later that night you apologized for being tired and cranky and all I said to you was, “It’s OK hon, your allowed.” Later that night when you were sleeping I cried. I remember feeling defeated and lost, I felt like we were never going to be on the same page and just be happy together as a family. However, what I didn’t realize was that as a husband and wife that is whats supposed to happen. It’s now beautiful to me. When you have bad days, I take over. When you come through the door and you see I haven’t showered yet, I still don’t have dinner on the table because someone needs me more and I’ve already poured myself a glass of wine……you take over. I can’t believe I never saw it before. I want you to know that this Hands Free Life, this new way of thinking and living, it is making me love you even more, appreciate you even more and most importantly it’s making me live so much more.
So Dear Husband: I promise….I am happy.
I wouldn’t want to plop down on a sticky sofa at the end of a long day with anyone but you.
I wouldn’t want to wake up on a Sunday morning enjoy my first cup of hot coffee with anyone but you. (Yours is cold by the way because your attending to Drew so I can have that hot cup of coffee!)
I wouldn’t want to fold 8 loads of laundry at the end of a day and pull out washed up paper, sticky gum, and whole pencils from the dryer with anyone but you.
I wouldn’t want to cry over bills and talk finances with anyone but you.
I wouldn’t want to scrub floors, empty numerous diaper bins and clean kitty litter box after kitty litter box with anyone but you.
I wouldn’t want to make my 118th ham sandwich, search for the perfect birthday gift or send our little one to time out for the 44th time with anyone but you.
I wouldn’t want to pinch pennies so I could stay home, food shop with both kids screaming at the top of their lungs and carry our babies to bed with anyone but you.
I wouldn’t want to polish off those small little finger prints off the coffee table once a week (ok really like once every other month) with anyone but you.
Most importantly Dear Husband….I promise I am happy because you are all we need.
