Dear Drew:
I just watched you. You ran upstairs and came down with a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Yes, it’s mid January here. This is also the time I realized you were officially walking up the stairs one foot at a time, a milestone I hated both of you kids reaching for some reason. You took off your pants and sweatshirt and put the summer attire on. You ran out to the foyer and you put your sneakers on. Ha! See proof that you can change all on your own and at three and a half you still insist on us “helping” you. You grabbed the iPad, turned on the music and danced around the room. Every time I smiled at you, you put on your shy face and stopped so I then started sneaking in glances without you knowing. You ran back and forth and threw yourself onto the couch. You sang the words to “this is how we roll”, “drunk on a plane”, and “shut up and dance with me.” All of this you get from your big sister. You copy everything she does and it’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. I just watched you.
I just watched you. You were playing with your lego’s, building houses as you say. You were sitting like your were nealing down but your legs were spread out a bit, a way that people say isn’t good for a child to sit, but I never correct it. It’s a sign of childhood that I’ve always hung on to and I know you’ll outgrow it. I saw you add a roof onto your house. You looked around through the lego bucket for that perfect piece. I watched the smile (with a little drool, yes you still drop a good drool when your heavily into something) that crept across your face when you put the finishing touches onto your house. I felt the same pride that you felt that day. I just watched you.
I just watched you. You were laying beside me on the couch watching the iPad. I saw your tiny little fingers wrapped around the side of the iPad. Your leg was propped up on your knee and I saw your cute little feet wiggle as you watched your video. Probably because you have such a hard time just relaxing so when you do sit you sit and bounce. I had a gazillion errands to run and a house to clean but like I said before, you don’t sit often so when you do, I take advantage. You have a particular position on the couch that you love and you insisted on that so I grabbed a blanket and wrapped my arm around your little (or not so little) head. I watched your adorable little eye lashes blink and wondered how long I could just stay in this moment. I hugged you tighter, kissed your head and I just watched you.
I just watched you. You looked up at me before jumping in to a big mud puddle. I looked into your eyes, the eyes that I could easily get lost in, and nodded. You smiled. Your mouth stretched so big it reached from ear to ear. In slow motion I watched you jump up and down. I loved hearing the high pitched giggle with every splash you made. Suddenly the wet pants and dirty muddy boots was not a concern to me. Cloths can be changed or washed, why not just let you have some fun. I was watching you be a boy so I just watched you.
I just watched you. You followed your big sisters instructions and carried out every little detail she demanded as you played together. It made me hope and pray that some day you will be as close as you are as children. Yes you fight and yes you tease but you honestly whole heartedly love each other. I watched you run behind her being totally comfortable and open to following her direction. Your free spirit simply amazes me. Instead of turning on the television or phone I just watched you.
I just watched you. My kitchen is my domain and I don’t like sharing it but you LOVE helping and though sometimes you waste half of the strawberries when you are cutting the greens off or more crumbs end up on the floor rather than the counter I let you help because it’s the right thing to do. I fight it, but then you say so sweetly “Momma I help you.” and I just watch you. I took a step back one day and let you go to town on those strawberries. You had a safe plastic serrated knife that you call yours so I just stood back and watched. The determination on your face made me fall into a fantasy world of creating amazing dishes with you some day in your kitchen. I watched your little fingers move and I realized you were cutting the strawberries and holding the knife the way that I taught you. I let the 5.99 strawberries be half wasted and I just watched you.
It’s just amazing how much a stressful day can be turned around when we just take a little time to just watch. Can you imagine the memories and sweet moments we’d miss if we didn’t?
