Dear Teenage Madison,
There are so many things I want to tell you. Things that you probably won’t understand but I’m going to try anyways. You are seven as I write this. It’s one of my favorite ages so far. You are inquisitive, sensitive, and extremely caring. You and I had a very serious conversation one night this past week. You and I snuggle at night for 15 minutes after Drew goes to bed. It’s our time, it’s one of my favorite times of the day. This particular night you curled up next to me and I said, “No Ipad time tonight since you didn’t listen to Momma earlier but I’m going to let you watch my show with me so we can have our snuggle time anyways. You love watching what I watch but I usually don’t allow you to, so you were more than thrilled. I chose this night and this show because I was feeling nostalgic. Some will laugh, but I’m currently watching Dawson’s Creek, again. It was a television show that was popular a few years after I graduated high school. It’s about high school age kids finding themselves, falling in love for the first time and all the emotions that go with it. It brings me back to my own childhood. You then asked me why one of the characters was crying. I explained that he was crying because a girl hurt him. You then asked of course what the girl did to hurt him. I answered, “he was hurt because she chose to be with someone else instead of him.” I then went on to explain it by talking about myself and Daddy. I know it was a bit much and you may have not understood it at seven, but you may understand it now as a teenager. I said, “You know baby, I was boy crazy when I was a teenager, I had other boyfriends before Daddy, I got my heart broken and I broke some hearts as well.” You listened carefully with eyes wide so I continued. “Another words, we are meant to be exactly where we are. All of those heartaches I went through were just a part of my journey to meet Daddy. Sometimes we have to get hurt to learn and grow.” You smiled up at me with those baby blues and just kissed my arm and cuddled closer to me. It was enough of an explanation for you, but it got me thinking. I was forced to actually think of what it would be like to have a teenager.
Oh sweet girl the times you have ahead of you are going to prove to be so challenging at times. I see how mean the world can be these days growing up as a kid and my heart already aches for you and your only seven. Social media has a way of being a wonderful tool but also at the same time it can rip apart society and strip you to your very core, to say the least. I want to build your confidence so when you scroll through instagram and facebook you won’t compare yourself to the world. You are who you are and I know at fourteen or sixteen that you are strong, confident and beautiful on the inside as much as the outside. I have faith that you will grow to believe in yourself and not allow other peoples opinions effect your own. It’s important to be confident with oneself my love but it’s another thing to be confident in the decisions you make along the way, even when you stumble. I hope by now all me and Daddy’s hard work will be paying off. It doesn’t mean you haven’t made mistakes, your a teenager, your going to make bad choices. It’s all about learning from those mistakes.
You will continue to get mad at us when we say no to things. You will feel left out of groups and you will want to rebel against daddy and my wishes but I promise to hold your hand and listen no matter what may upset you. We will always be fair and honest with you because you are the most important thing to us so your well being and happiness will always come before anything. I will patiently sit outside of your room listening to the first tears you cry over a boy or a friend because I know you will come to me in time. It doesn’t mean I won’t shed my own tears my love, because I will. I will cry right along with you. I will hold you and say I’m so very sorry your hurting but I will never tell you it’s going to be okay, because even though it will in the end indeed by okay, you must learn for yourself. You will get thrown down only to pick yourself up and brush yourself off. You will feel the weight of the world on your shoulders but I’m confident enough that during those times you will come to daddy or I, because we will explain to you that it’s our job to feel that weight right now, not yours. We will sit down, discuss it and work through it together. No teenager should ever have to feel such a weight.
We are going to argue, and at times it’s going to be bad. I’m probably going to hurt more than you at that point in time but I know some day, maybe not the next, maybe even years down the road you will see just why we made the decisions we did. I can honestly say it took me years to understand my parents reasoning behind my teenage world. I promise you baby, you will too. I will always ask if there is something you want to talk about even when you roll your eyes at me and stomp away. Always know that I hurt when you hurt. In the end I will always kiss you good night, even if it’s from the other side of the door.
Please know that these are the best years of your life. Seven is such a gift, it’s a huge modeling age, I see you rushing it by already. I simply say, “please don’t rush it baby girl.” Now as a teenager your probably rushing it even more as you patiently wait for your date to pick you up on Saturday night. You’ll gossip for hours with friends about the upcoming dance next month and the memory of sending you off with your daddy to the daddy daughter dance will be but a distant memory. You’ll start praying for the days to go by so you can drive yourself so you won’t need me to be drop you off while I scream “love you!” because I always will. I’m sure you will spend nights upon nights laying awake with an excited belly waiting for those college applications to come in so you can choose the one furthest from home so you can spread your wings and fly. Stop. Slow down. You never know, you may just want to stay close to home so you can continue to have your friends over with the best cooked/baked snacks in town made by your mother.
I can only imagine what kind of music you are listening to now as a teenager but at seven you have only known country music and you love it. There is a song out now called “5 more minutes”
“Time rolls by the clock don’t stop
I wish I had a few more drops
Of the good stuff, the good times
Oh but they just keep on flying
Right on by like it ain’t nothing
Wish I had me a pause button
Moments like those Lord knows I’d hit it
And give myself five more minutes”
I may roll my eyes every time you ask for five more minutes of IPad time right now but maybe I need to think of this song a little more because in the blink of an eye you’ll be reading this which means you’ll be a teenager. I hope you still enjoying reading and writing like you do now at seven. I hope you still ask as many questions as you do today and I hope you, no I pray, that even through the rough parts of your teenage life you’ll still ask to hold my hand and cuddle with me.
Live every moment, treasure every hour, and always remember I’m on this journey with you sweet girl. Okay, you may roll your eyes now.