This question came to me in one of my parenting journals. I’ve sat on it for awhile now. It’s a great question but I really wanted to put my heart and soul into the answers. So I came up with 7 things I’d like to tell my children about parenthood:
ONE. You will need a lot of patience. In a way you will never even realize until the day your sweet children are born.
You will make numerous trips to the car, EACH and every time you leave the house. Keys, shoot! Water, shoot! Oh Madison forgot Pup Pup! Children have a way that will forever push you to the edge when it comes to patience, I know I don’t speak alone and I know some people have the gift of having more than others, like your Daddy for example. The patience of a saint. I admire it actually. Mommy starts the day with a lot of patience but sometimes it can be one thing that sets me off or I’m good until roughly 4pm. When we are running late for an appointment and I’m trying desperately to get you both out the door but that exact time is when Drew decides he wants to put his shoes on himself! I can’t take that from you. A part of me wants to say, “no buddy we need to go!” and just take over, but your 2, you are learning. That is just an example of where you will need to recognize when patience needs to come into the picture. I make this one number one because it’s what Momma doesn’t have. It’s something I work on every single day. Please know that it’s a work in process for every parent. We all have our experiences, please know you will learn patience just when you think you’ve got none left. Sometimes you may even hear me say under my breath “Please lord help me through this day.” The big religious person that I am not even reaches out for help some days! It’s OK. Don’t beat yourself up. It will come, I promise. That moment when I mutter under my breath, that moment is usually when one of you will do or say something super sweet and you reel me right back in.
TWO. You will cry. A lot.
You will cry when you feel as if you can’t go on another day because you are functioning on 2 hours of sleep. Interrupted sleep. You will cry when you feel like your life has turned into the cycle of, feed, burp, change, laundry, bathe and repeat. However you will cry tears of happiness when your best friend takes you out for the first time in months and you feel so good putting on a pair of heels and some make up. (Not you Drew!) Yes, you will cry at 2am when that little baby wakes you up after you’ve had 3 glasses of wine and you just fell asleep. Take a note from me: Don’t go out with friends unless it’s on a night you know your husband can get up with that little darling. You will probably cry everyday when you can’t figure out what is wrong with your infant. You’ve changed her, you’ve fed her, you have rocked her for hours but you have no idea what is bothering her so you will begin to cry with her. You will cry when your child comes home from school so upset because someone said something to them on playground that caused hurt feelings. You will cry even harder when your child turns around and takes the hand of a scared little girl and goes down the slide with her so she won’t be scared. You will cry when your tired, sad, frustrated, and my newest one, exhausted.
THREE. You will love bigger and better than you ever imagined.
This one will be hard for me to explain. It’s a feeling inside that is just unexplainable when trying to explain this love to someone who doesn’t have children. You will burst with pride, you will want the whole world to see how beautiful your child is. You will actually even think, wow I had no idea that I could love someone more than you did the day you married your spouse. It’s not that you will love your spouse any less (actually you will see that you will love your spouse just that much more). It’s just a different kind of love. A love that you’ve never felt before. You love your parents, you love your siblings, you’ll love family and pets, but this, this is just a different kind of love. You’ll feel a sense of completion when you go to the grocery store and you have five random people telling you just how beautiful your child is.
FOUR. No one can tell you what is right and wrong about parenting. You must do what works for you and your family.
Don’t judge. Don’t ever judge how others do it sweet babies. Whether you decide to breastfeed, co-sleep or cry it out, don’t judge because no one will understand what works best for you and your family but you and you wouldn’t want another person to judge you. When you become a parent you will see your born with a “gutt” as I like to call it. (besides the leftover stretch from holding you) You have to go with what you feel is right and you will never be disappointed. Every single time I take you both to the doctors I’ve never left without a prescription or a trip to the ER, because I just knew. I have made plenty of decisions in my 5 years of experience that I’ve doubted however in the end I did what worked for us. Our family. What works for you may not work for your best friend. The decisions you make as a parent may not be the decisions that your own sibling will make as a parent. It’s OK. It just makes us different people. You can read what you will online, watch many shows or read many parenting books, but in the end it’s up to you to make the decisions. Don’t EVER doubt that. Be confident and believe in yourself, in your abilities of parenting and most importantly in the love you have for your children, that will point you in the right direction.
FIVE. Having children will forever test your marriage.
When you make the commitment to spend the rest of your life with someone I truly believe that you work through whatever comes your way. There have been many moments, as bad as this is going to sound, when I’ve had to ask myself why I married your Daddy. When I took the time to answer my own question, I was reminded of the love and reasons why we were married. You will argue over what’s right and wrong in parenting. From do you swaddle, cry it out or feed your baby solids to the right way to master the time-out, why your sweet babies must be reprimanded, to who is going to be good cop or bad cop. Stick together. Let your kids see you stand by one another, argue in private and NEVER ever forget to hug and kiss each other in front of them. You will miss your other half the most when your kids are young. You will go days without spending more than five minutes together and weeks upon weeks before a night out alone together. It gets easier. You will be together again. Just take a few minutes a day to tell your other half how much you miss them or love them. Schedule the date nights in advance, line up the sitter and save money for special nights. Be creative! Stay in if money is tight. Just be together. NEVER EVER loose your marriage or yourself when raising a family. It’s just another test. ALWAYS always remind yourself and your other half just where that beautiful little family first came from. Your love.
SIX. It’s the hardest job but the most rewarding job you will have ever have in your life.
I’ve worked in the corporate world. Parenthood doesn’t even compare to a job like Daddy, where he runs a crew of over 100 men and women at one time. I can’t explain this one as much as the others but I will tell you that you will worry in a way that you’ve never worried before. That worry my sweet babies, if you have that worry I’m talking about, please know that makes you a really good parent. You want that worry. Well you may not want to feel it but I can’t imagine not having it. That worry keeps me in line because it reminds me that you are first and foremost the most important thing in my life. It reminds me that I want to raise good little people who will grow up and be amazing. That worry is what keeps my eyes open at night, the thought of either of you ever being hurt is a whole new worry. There will be times when you will doubt yourself. It’s normal and it’s OK. Again, that makes you a good parent. Trust me when I tell you that the feeling of your babies sweet arms wrapped around you for the first time, the sound of them saying Momma or I love you for the first time, or the way your heart will swell when you see that your child can write their name…….that alone will prove to you that all of those hard times are well worth it. The rewards are so little when kids are young, but TRUST me, it will get easier and you will know exactly what I’m talking about.
SEVEN. You will change. You will adapt. You will figure it out.
Lord knows I’m terrible with change. We just don’t get along. End of story. However, there is no escaping it. Parenthood WILL CHANGE you. Always remember that it’s change for the good. One of the scariest things I remember when I was pregnant with you, Drew was how will I make the time to make sure each child is getting what they need, what they want? How will I deal with bed time with two, how will I go out into public with two and not go insane. Guess what the answer is? You just figure it out. If you accept change, change will happen more gracefully. Though I seem to never take my own advice I will try my hardest to pass it onto you. One of the reasons why Daddy and I get a long so well is we compliment each others weaknesses. He’s great with change, he balances me out. He stinks with sticking to a plan or routine, so I balance him out. I truly believe that not only will you change once you become a parent but you will also continue to change throughout parenthood. The experiences and emotions will embrace you and I promise you, you will love that person you grow into.
What would you tell your children as they are about to embark on parenthood?
i don’t think I could ever get tired of pesto, it’s so versatile!